Losing a baby is devastating. Sadness often stems from the event itself or the way it was managed at the health facility. Dealing with the grief that follows is very important. Some women go through the gamut of denial of what just occurred, guilt, then anger and rationalisation. These are all perfectly natural reactions. These emotions do not need to be repressed but should be recognised for what they are and allowed to run their course.
In our environment, some people tend to do more harm by their insensitive statements and accusatory remarks to the mother or couple as a whole. Some health personnel, unfortunately, do not have the right training to break bad news or deal with grieving patients. It is best to expect this and be intentional about shielding yourself from negativity but not isolating yourself from people who genuinely care and want to help . Read more on 6 things to do if you have a miscarriage
Coping with miscarriages
Coping mechanisms advocated by clinical psychologists include talking about how you feel in a safe space, with someone you trust or seek professional help from a certified grief counsellor or psychologist.
If you have a partner he would be ideal, because men also suffer but process their emotions differently. Other strategies include keeping a diary, writing down how you feel daily or actually writing a letter to the baby you just lost. Please note that mothers who have had miscarriages are also at risk of mood disorders such as postpartum depression and anxiety. It’s perfectly okay to get help for this. We outlined more tips for dealing with emotions in our chat with a clinical psychologist here.
Often mums who have just had a miscarriage wonder when it is okay to get pregnant again. The truth is there is no right time. Some women get pregnant spontaneously almost immediately after ie. their menstrual cycle resumes and the occurrence of ovulation opens them up to getting pregnant within a few weeks after. Some experts advocate waiting for 3 months. The honest truth is the right time to try again is when you feel you are ready; when you are in the right place emotionally and physically.
The term ‘miscarriage’ is loosely used to label pregnancy loss. However, some frown upon it arguing that it suggests that some how something was wrong with the way the mother bore the pregnancy. As though she is to blame.
These sentiments may or may not be lost on you. However, the fact remains that pregnancy loss is common. It should be talked about more openly. In a sensitive and productive way so as to support affected women and couples.